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Monday, August 2, 2010

New Beginnings













I don't know where I'm going . . I feel totally lost.  I know Dave would not want me to be unhappy and to go on living life as we "both" knew it.  I miss him terribly, I miss everything about him, especially his humor . . that boy could make me laugh everyday no matter what the situation was.  I never would refer to him as a man, I always called him a boy . . we met when we were 17 years old and he always looked the same to me.  He had a wonderful spirit about him, too kind of a heart and very funny laugh.  I've called his cell phone just to hear his voice . . to hard to listen too sometimes.

His death has challenged my faith . . I've had a hard time praying lately.  We don't always understand what the Lord has planned when these kind of things happen to us.   I prayed over Dave many times for healing and the Lord really did heal him . . . Wow!

My kids have been amazing  . . so strong.  I know I'm doing all the crying for them.  They all have their Dad's spirit . . STRONG and RESILIENT.  Knowing that has been a real comfort to me.

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything lately . . still need a little bit of time to get back into the swing of things again. 


"O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you" (Psalm 84:12)



10 comments:

  1. Sandy, I haven't had to walk the path you are going down right now so I really don't have any advice for you. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you, but all I can really say is that I feel for you - you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

    I don't know how I will cope when/if I lose my husband and we have only been together for 8 and half wonderful years which is nothing compared to the fact that you and your beloved Dave have known each other since you were in your late teens. I think you and your husband must be like two intertwined vines after all these years - that you have grown together so closely that now to be separated is incomprehensible.

    Perhaps all I can offer in the way of comfort is this observation, if the God we serve is as loving and kind as we believe Him to be, He will understand your silence and your struggle to pray. After all, He loved us before we first loved Him - not because of some wonderful thing we did, or because of some perfect way we respond to Him, but simply because He is love. I pray that you will have a sense of His love even in the midst of your deep grief.

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  2. With your kids all away at college it must be even more difficult for you Sandy. I think of you often and feel so sad when I think of your tremendous loss. Being able to write about your feelings right now is probably so good for you, especially as I would think anyone's faith would be alot shaken up at a time like this. I continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you. ~Lili

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  3. So glad to hear from you. I have been so worried and have kept you in my prayers. No one can comprehend the loneliness you feel. The hardest thing about grief is you have to go through each stage. Sad, Angry, etc. Can't skip any part of it, and after the cycle --you start all over again. Stay steadfast, I know you will. It's a moment to moment thing. It's so special to see the bond you had with one another. PRAYERS FOR YOU!

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  4. Sharing my thoughts on my blog helped me to process my grief, although at the time I did it, it was not to purposely process...but just to share, and to tell friends what I was feeling.

    I have re-written my two last blog posts for July with you in mind, my dear Sandy.

    Praying with you, and lifting you up to God our comforter, in this difficult season of your life.

    Yes, God has completely healed our husbands. That was the thought that kept striking me as well about my dear husband.

    Love you,
    Lidj

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  5. I was so happy to stop by and see that you had posted again. Give yourself all the time in the world you need! I once heard, "There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so just take it as it comes and don't feel guilty on the bad days."
    Keeping you in my prayers,
    Mary Lou

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  6. I found your blog through Leah's - Family Matters and Everyday Chatter.

    I can't imagine lossing my DH. May God be with you giving you comfort and strength. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  7. Oh dear Sandy, I can only imagine the pain you must be enduring since losing your husband. I've been thinking of you & praying for you since Dave's passing. Please don't feel you need to apologize for your grief...you can only take it one day at a time, my sweet friend. Wishing you comfort & strength...

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  8. Sandy, I stumbled upon your blog today..I don't believe it was a coincedence. I've been praying for you today and wanted to come back and write a comment. I lost my husband Steve 5 years ago unexpectedly after 30 years of marriage. I know the pain you are going through, don't worry about praying right now, I felt the same way, but I could feel the prayers that others were lifting me up with. Thats what we the body of Christ are to do, hold up one another when we are going through trials and hard times. Allow yourself time to grieve and know that it's ok to feel anger and to even question God about why? You might want to check out Grief Share in your local area churches. It was instrumental to me in helping me work thru it, and the people there know the pain you're going thru because they've been there. Hugs, Margaret

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  9. :-(

    You are a beautiful person. Very human. We can all relate to you but we will never truly know your pain as it is personal and your very own. We can imagine. We are just onlookers. We feel for you but at the end of the day you grieve alone.

    Don't feel the need to be strong just yet. Go with the pain. Don't be the opposite of what you feel.

    I don't know if it will make you stronger or if you just get used to it or if you slowly forget. Who knows?

    Death is an awful thing! There is an unfairness to it. Just think how lucky you were and he was to see his children grow up. My two friends died when their children were just in primary school. Tell me why God did that, will ya? If he does exist, I think he has a lot to answer for.

    Oh, well, guess there must be a reason. And if there isn't I'm sure we will make one up in time. We all need a reason, don't we? Seems to me that your kids are a pretty good reason to just go on and be strong.

    Take care you beautiful woman. Whatever you do, whether you blog it all down or stop blogging altogether know this - you have moved us...and I'm sure a part of this is due to Mr. Grumpy and I'm sure that we in turn will move others...perhaps this rippling affect is the reason. Perhaps because of it nothing ever really dies.

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