Have you ever wondered why things aren't moving any quicker. Here I go again. Sometimes God waits on us to see what we are going to do. Maybe its to see what we have learned so far in our lives. Would we turn our back on him, would we not believe in him anymore, would we doubt him. When we are waiting on God to act in our situation, trial or whatever is challenging us at the moment, this is when God actually does his best work in you. Trial or challenge is like walking through a dark valley. Sit in that valley as scary as it might be or feel. Don't run from it, stay there. You'll start to see and know things about yourself that you have never really noticed before. The longer we sit in the fire the more less scared we become. There's a beauty that develops inside of you. People around you will notice it, learn from it, want to be like it . . . they'll start to desire that in there life. Now that I walked through some fires in this life of mine, I'm talking about some big ones, I can clearly see how God has never left me and was always by my side. In trial or challenge, you will always benefit. God is the great restorer and will always deliver you out of your trial or challenge, he will lead you out of that dark valley. I want to look back at this life and know that I ran the race as best as I could . . . knowing that I pleased him. Pleasing him just feels right . . . feels complete. Like its the right kind of "finish".
"Remember that the Lord has chosen the righteous for his own, and he hears me when I call to him" Psalm 4:3
I made this doll last year for Valentine's Day . . . I don't think I want to make another one this year. I would like to make something a little different. Maybe something for Springtime. When we moved I sold all my fabric at the yard sale. That was sort of a dumb thing to do. I should of held on to it. Oh well. Time to go fabric shopping again :O)
Have you ever come to that point in your life where nothing from the past works anymore? I mean, I'm ok, healthy because of God's grace . . definitely. My kids are all good, moving forward in there lives, some moving quicker than the other, which is natural and in God's plan. They belong to God anyways, they certainly don't belong to me. You all know how much I love to sew and create things, such as dolls and such. Loving the cross stitch lately. But I notice these things don't keep me satisfied anymore, not like they used too. God has been speaking to my heart again and tells me to dream. I don't know about what? So I prayed and asked him to show me. Like I said in an earlier post, I am waiting in anticipation . . . as "PATIENTLY" as I can. Please answer me God. It's almost like I have to learn how to dream again, I think I've forgotten how to :O)
Even returning to work, I tried to go back to what I did in the past and I never got back. So I did Property Management for awhile and really enjoyed it. The only bad thing about that was you are constantly on call including weekends and after hours, which was sort of "the normal". I did Accounting for a short time and realized how much I hated numbers and columns. Now working only part time for an agency. Attended a grief class for a short time at the new church. I really don't feel like I need that anymore. That's a good thing, really.
God's timing is not fast, he moves very slowly sometimes, well he certainly isn't on our schedule, but his. I know when I get there, it's going to be wonderful, certainly not anything I could ever imagine. Isn't that what he promises us?
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6
Thought I would post some finish pics of the butterflies that I cross-stitched from a pattern I found on Pinterest. Absolutely love that website and its so much fun to create the boards too. It sort of puts everything in order. Order is something I absolutely love . . . order is something my life certainly hasn't been. Lots of things have happened in this life. Anyways . . . here are some pics of the butterflies framed.
So much like his Mom and doesn't want to admit it . . . this one definitely has my spirit. I always enjoy a good conversation with this one and we don't always agree with each other. My oldest son has taught me everything I know about using a computer to building my blog. He wanted to return a shirt his brother bought him, so I invited him with me to pick up his sister Cassandra from work. We had some time to spare so we stopped at Starbucks and chatted awhile. Afterwards we all went out to dinner at "The Hat". They have some amazing pastrami chili cheese fries, oh my they were so delicious too. I should have taken a pic of them before we dig into them . . but they were a little too messy looking afterwards. Its always a good time when I'm with my kids :O)
Started cross-stitching again. Something to keep me busy. I found this pattern on Pinterest and enjoying the stitching. I love Butterflies. Thinking about a mini pillow or pin cushion. I'll post some pics later once completed.
I'm a pretty organized person, but for some reason I cannot find my Valentine decorations. I made so many hearts last year for Valentine's Day. Oh well. So I created some new ones. Thought I would try sewing some words on them with the sewing machine. They were fun to make too.
Also created some paper art for Valentine's Day, heart in hand, always loved this design. I got to used some of that vintage ribbon my sister-in-law Chris gave me a couple of years ago.
Missing that husband of mine . . . it's been two and half years since he passed but it feels just like yesterday. The pic above was taken 33 years ago. We were about to get married that Summer. So many things have changed in my life. Some good things have happened too. It hasn't all been that bad. Grief is funny it comes in waves and then it leaves for a while. I love this song by Bonnie Rait called "You". Music to me is so comforting and literally healing. I was so glad to have what I had with my husband Dave, he was a wonderful person with an amazing personality. Very positive all the time . . even with all the challenges he faced daily with his failing health, yet he always looked so grumpy, probably because he did not feel well. Miss you much Mr. Grumpy. I'll love you forever.
ok, enough of this whining . . . its getting so old now.
Well some good news. I can finally fit back into a size 9, haven't see that size since the kids were little. I'm working only temporary now, not every day, but still liking it. Since moving, I've been attending a new church called "Eastside Church" in Orange County. The pastor's name is Gene Appel. He is absolutely amazing. Something different and new every month. Not a traditional kind of service, but definitely holds your attention. There is a missionary trip being planned by Eastside Church to Kenya leaving on my birthday in July 2013. I've been praying to God about this adventure, I would really like to go. I have never done anything like this in my life . . sort of scary but exciting too.
The old church was very painful to attend, I would often find myself drifting away from the sermon and would be thinking about Dave and everything there reminded me of him. Dave served as the congregational president and was very much involved. All the time I was married to Dave, we were always involved in some way with the church. I'm so grateful for that. There is so many blessings when you are involved in serving on others. When I moved I really didn't say much to my church family, I sort of stayed to myself for awhile. I really did not plan to move such a distant away, everything just sort of happened, probably meant to be and this is where I landed. I needed a fresh start. A new beginning. Discovering who I was again.
As time passes, I notice alot of things that are different now, the kids are getting older and moving on with their own lives. Things that I so took for granted, because Dave was there. My car broke down on the way to a funeral in Venice, California a couple of months ago. My car literally rolled to a stop in a parking spot of all places, all Gods grace of course. I had no idea how I was going to have my car towed back to Orange County without paying an arm and leg for it. The minute my car rolled to a stop, I bowed my head in prayer and said, "God you are going to have to help me with this one" . . . and grace followed. Thank you Jesus :O)
I keep thinking something absolutely wonderful is going to happen to me and everything will be right again, unfortunately that is not going to happen and life continues to move forward at a slow pace. Sometimes I wish it would hurry up and be done, but that would be unfair to my kids and I know there is so much more to experience with them in their lives. I'm on the other side now and looking back, but I know God can create a whole new beginning whenever he chooses to whether you desire it or not. For now, I'm waiting in anticipation.
Spirit filled, always loving on my kids, my heart goes to anything tattered, something about being worn out I love. Living this life of mine with a special someone by my side, feeling very blessed to have him too. Passionate about sewing and arts. firstname.lastname@example.org