Monday, January 10, 2011

As a blogger I always try to say something positive or inspiring because you never know who's going to read your blog.  As you all know God is a big part of my life . . . I base everything on faith.

Since Dave has passed away . . . life has changed drastically and it's become a huge challenge.  I had to return back to work right away, that I've enjoyed.   But this is a very dark season in my life, I've experience so many emotions I can't even count them anymore.  At times, I feel so overwhelmed with life and all the responsibility that comes with it.  I so want my old life back . . but it's not going to happen anytime soon.  What I most realize that when you are in love with somebody, or you have that special someone by your side, everything is easy, like my Mom says, everything is pink.  Purpose is something you definitely need to have to keep living and I guess my purpose is to survive.  At times, it has been so hard to pray and stay in faith . . I remind myself of  God's promises and try so hard to speak scripture over my emotions . . sometimes I wonder if he hears me . . . cause, boy it seems like I'm screaming lately.

They say look at trial as an opportunity  . . I sure am trying, but it's so darn difficult sometimes.


  1. Dear Sandy,
    I hear you, and I understand. I wish I had the answer for you. I have been told by those wiser than me, when we are in too much pain to pray, others pray for us. I know that is what I am holding on to.

  2. Sandy, The dark days and sad journey you have been given is so heartbreaking to know you are going through right now. Don't ever feel bad about writing about your true emotions, life is not always uplifting or inspirational. Your faith must be your rock right now. Sending you love and wishes for comfort. xo ~Lili

  3. Dear Sandy...I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom to give you...something to take away your pain & fears...but we both know there isn't a "magic pill" to take. Raw emotion and grief are a part of life and you have shared yours with us with grace & dignity. I think about you often and my heart aches for you, prays for you. If my husband were suddenly gone, I know I'd be lost; I can only begin to imagine what you are going through. Pink days or not, you get up to greet the day and you survive...and that in itself is inspiring, dear friend:) But, you do so much more: you share your faith, your hopes, and your heart with us. Please don't be sorry for that. Warm hugs and wishes always. xo

  4. Ditto to Leah, I couldn't say it any better. I was just talking to a dear friend who has been dealing with the loss of her parents. It's so different from the love of your life. But the conclusion is the same. The grieving process is brutal. A roller coaster of emotions. HANG IN THERE! It's harder when you have loved and have been loved with every fiber of your being. Prayers are sent your way everyday. He is listening. It's hard to feel his arms around you when you are in so much pain. He is there! We are here for you too. with Love, Sharon

  5. Hello Sweet Sandy. Of course you feel this way, especially around Christmas. Sounds to me that you are going through something that is, unfortunately, normal for those who lose loved ones. Just hang in there and look for him within you in the ways he has influenced you and carry on! I'm really glad you're working, channel some energy into your creativity, yor dolls, maybe book-reading. Just keep the mind active.

    Hang in there and take care.


  6. Sandy my heart goes out to you as you suffer the pain and sadness!I hope that God will give you the strength and much positive thought- to keep you going.

    Big Hugs!

    P.S I love that you wrote love letters to your kids! I might do that too this year :)

  7. Oh Sandy, I wish I could give you a hug. But too many miles lay between so I will say what my grandma always said to me on the phone..."can you feel my arms around you?"
    You and I have lived different circumstances, but I had so many years alone and did my own share of screaming. Seems to me usually over the ironing board! The tears would fall and I would yell my frustrations. But we are told he collects our tears and I know he hears. You are not alone. Stay strong and keep walking. That is all I know to tell you.
    Hugs, Cheryl

  8. Sandy,
    Wow... well put. I think of you very often even though I have not stopped by here in quite awhile. I don't know how to manage so many blogs I love to visit. Thanks for your kind words about my mom. Each day is getting a little better. I also wanted to recommend a book to you - "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser. Your library will probably have it. The author was one of my son's professors at Whitworth and he is also friends with one of his sons. So he knows the story quite well. Jerry also has another book "When God Doesn't answer your prayer" which I have not read, but I think he is a great writer. Hope this helps a little...